Now has to be the time...

In order to change something like a behavior, you have got to hit rock bottom right?  What happens if you have been dangling from the edge of a cliff, grasping on a fraying rope, for years?  Apparently, if you want to get something done, you have to let go of the friggin rope.  Bottom, here I come!  Or so I hope. 

I am the picture of an addict.  I HAVE to have diet in hand 100% of the time.  I HAVE NEVER been able to stop my hand from placing sweet delicacies into my pie hole.  I DON'T LISTEN when my head says,

"NO!"

Don't put that in your mouth!"

"It will just end up on those already husky hips of yours!"

I swear, no matter how it tasts, I will drink that horrid diet drink.  No matter if I'm hungry or not, I will shove that donut in my mouth.  I have absolutely ZERO self control.  I don't respect myself, I don't love myself, and I don't take care of myself.  I eat crappy food, drink crappy drinks, and do crappy things.  I can down over 44 ounces of diet soda in a day, plus at least 2 more 16 ounce bottles, I snack constantly, and I rock the slothing around better than Jabba the Hutt.  Hell, I could BE Jabba! 

I have finally decided, against all of my instincts and selfishness, that I have to finally let go of that fraying rope and hit the bottom of that ravine.  Hit it so hard that my head explodes, which it totally will.  I can't even imagine the headache I am going to have.  I have been drinking soda for centuries.  I always have to have a "diet coke to go," and I carry it around with me like my 4 year old son carries around his suckie.  I am so addicted, I think I would probably save a diet coke falling off a table before I would save my husband from being shot.  I know right?!?!   

I am a mom and a wife who has no control over herself.  I have began to realize that my unhappiness stems from me having no control over anything in my life.  I struggle every day to take control of something...anything, and I fail at that every...single...day.  This time, I am grabbing the reins and taking over.  I will probably fail many times, but that is something I will have to learn to overcome.  It won't be an overnight success, but such is life. 

Since I have had these addictions for so long, I think it would be best to take it one at a time, starting with the diet.  Oh, this will be hard.  HARD I TELL YOU!  How do you get rid of something so near and dear to your heart?  I have no idea how, but I know that I have to; not just for me, but for my whole family. 

Now, you may ask, "Kristin, why are you being a dork and writing a blog about this?"  And my answer would be, accountability.  In order to do something like this, you have to have someone holding you accountable.  So, to all my friends and family, I may be a total b*#$# in the coming days, weeks, and even months, but hold me accountable for my actions.  Help me out with this and help me be strong! 

P.S.:  If you see me with a diet in the coming days, weeks, and months, don't fret, I am weaning myself down.  This girl does not do cold turkey

Are you not ready to stop?  Check this out!

Don't Get Too Comfy!

Have you ever noticed how just when you get comfortable with every aspect of your life,

God pulls the carpet out from under you just to shake things up a bit? 

I always find that when I am comfortable and content, I worry that something is about to happen that is going to change everything.  This time, it's my job.  You see, I am a medical transcriptionist, and these days, the field is slowly, but surely, drying up due to doctors going down the cheaper route of sending work overseas, doing their own reporting in the office (which I think is just rude to the patient who has to sit there while the doctor is typing away), but also going with cheaper companies who just turn out work instead of turning out good quality work.  Anyways, now that doctors and hospitals are chosing different ways to document their records, I am in a holding pattern waiting to see if more work will come my way, or if I need to break down and update the good ole resume. 

Thankfully, it's summer, and my husband has a great job that offers more work this time of year, so he is working overtime while I sit at home and hit the refresh button on the computer every few minutes hoping that my work pool will offer up something to work on. 

I just sit, waiting, wondering, hoping for something to come along and, in that time, I am working on things around the house.  Catching up on cleaning, fixing, straightening, washing, filing, scanning, redoing, you name it.  I just hope this doesn't last too long, and I pray that I will hear God this time and that I will actually listen and do what He says.  He does know what is best!

We are only 13 days into 2012 and I am getting so annoyed with all of the exercising, weight loss, dieting crap that everyone is talking about.  It may be because I hate dieting, or that it makes me laugh when people say they have lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. 

*sigh*

All I have to say to that is:

"CONGRATULATIONS, your kidney's and liver will be thanking you

if you keep heading down that path my friend."

Some people think that dieting means removing food from their life or exercising until they can't stand anymore.  Dieting is a lifestyle people.  It's making a point to not eat sweets and fried foods every single day, and adding in tons more fresh fruits and veggies, and getting off your rump and moving around.  You don't have to run 50 miles a day or lift 100 pound dumb bells, you just have to walk, bend, twist, just move!  Exercise is also cleaning, playing with your kids, folding laundry, shopping - the every day things that you do.  I love to put on my earbuds and listen to music while I clean.  Listening to music makes me dance, sing, and clean longer.

One of the most important things that I have learned whilel trying to lose weight is to not get bored.  When you get bored, your body tries to lie to you and tell you that you are hungry when you really aren't.  Here is some advice:  If you find yourself getting up to go to the kitchen for a little nibble, stop and ask yourself, "Am I hungry or am I just bored?"  Eating a piece of gum or drinking a cold glass of water will not add any fat to your hips or thighs.

Now, a healthy amount of weight to lose every 2 weeks is 0.5 to 2 pounds.  Don 't go nuts people, be wise.  It took you months/years to put that weight on and it will take you a while to take it off.  One thought is that every 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories, so if you eat a deficit of say, 500 calories a day for 7 days, you will lose 1 pound.  Yeah, totally wish I would have thought about that before I ate that cheesecake, birthday cake, bowl of ice cream, hamburger, fries, that second bowl of ice cream... I don't eat very healthy do I?  I am so good at not following my own advice.

Now, onto my 2012 plan, since 2009-2011 didn't quite pan out.  I want to lose 30 pounds before my cruise in October.  After some research, I found that if I stick to 1540 calories a day, I will lose 30 pounds by mid-October.

With dieting, I find it easier to have a reward, or to compete with my husband, which never works out because men suck!  Last time I tried a real diet with competition and reward was about 4 years ago.  I wanted to lose weight for a trip to Disney World.  My goal was to lose 25 pounds (down to 130), and my reward was a Swiss Army watch.   Unfortunately, I lost all but 3 pounds, so I didn't get the watch.   

This time, I want to lose 30 pounds, though I am starting from 10 pounds lighter than where I started last time.  My hope is that I will lose 30 pounds before October 2012 so I can get my new award,

 a tattoo! 

Now, I just need to go bake a cake for the hubs