Friday, January 14, 2011

Scary Things Going On...

In the wake of the holiday's I have noticed a little lingering tension in the air around my house.  It follows me wherever I go and taunts me with every move I make.  It's not from Mike or the kids.  Well, that is if I'm not bothering them about cleaning or homework.  It's not from the dogs  I actually think they like me.  I AM the one who feeds them the most.  What else could it be then?  It's my furniture and house!  They make sounds.  No they don't pull a Beauty and The Beast and talk to me, but it's the sound of the cabinets shaking, plates and China cups clinking, even the floors creak.  Couches make awful cranky noises, and at one point, I swear the kids weren't running away to play hide-and-seek.  I think they were running for fear of being smashed.  This lingering monster is becoming just too big of a problem to ignore anymore.  If I wait any longer, it will just get bigger and bigger!!!

What is this horrible evil thing I fear so much in my own home?  Why is my furniture "talking" to me?  I think they are talking behind my back!  I think they are making fun of the 30 pounds that I have accummulated over the past few years.  I just can't get it out of my mind.  That has got to be it!  Every time I walk through the kitchen, the China cabinet is taunting me with every rock of it's base and every clink of it's Chinese tenants.  I can hear it saying, "Hey fatty," "Look at you,"  Have you put on another pound?"  And my mirror, now my mirror is just mean.  When I look in the mirror, there stands a chunky woman where I am standing!  How rude I say!  That just can't be me!  Then, for some reason, I stand on my scale.  We are not friends.  I think my scale is mad at me or something.  It lies every single day, but the cabinet and the mirror say that it is telling the absolute truth.  I just don't know who to believe.  My hubby says I look good, even sexy, but everything here, fridge included, are saying, "Hey biggin!" 

Therefore, since my house is revolting against me, I plan to fight back.  To combat the rudeness, and basic inconsiderate acts of my furniture, I have made a pact with my treadmill and hand weights.  No more fighting.  I apologied for not using them for a very long time and using my treadmill for hanging clothes on and holding my various tubs of junk for storage.  All three of us now have a nightly 30 minute date. 

For the last week, I have done pretty well.  Even started Zumba with a friend of mine.  In the last 5 days, I have lost 2 pounds, and have 28 more to go.  I just hope my house and furnishings appreciate what I am doing and show me some respect in the future.  I do provide them a home and clean them on a regular basis. 

I should let my cabinet know that I am planning on building a fire pit in the backyard next year...maybe that will shut it up!

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