A few days in and....

Well, I'm a few days into my "diet" and I haven't had too much trouble.  Down 0.9 pound (almost a whole pound) and I have only been drinking one diet coke a day.  I have been drinking plenty of water and can really tell the difference.  Before, when I was drinking cola all day long, my throat was so dry, and my tongue felt like sandpaper.  I had to have a drink in hand at all hours of the day and it was getting to the point where my diet coke was my crutch.  Now, after only 2 days, my throat isn't dry at all, and I don't feel like I constantly need a drink by my side.  I have found it easy to start drinking more water with Mio Water Enhancer.  YUM!  My fav is the sweet tea, which I can drink all day long.  No calories! 

I am going to hopefully start my exercise routine tomorrow.  Fingers crossed for that.  I am hoping that the man downstairs doesn't break into my head and knock down my confidence.  He so tried to today, throwing me thoughts like, "what's the point!?"  "You can't lose the weight!"  "Those pants will never fit anyways."  So irritating, but I have been knocking him back down whenever he tries to do anything.  I just hope I can keep it up.  I usually do good with a diet or fast for a few days, and then slowly fall off the back of the wagon.  I just have to have strength and believe in myself!  I have been thinking about working on my crafts whenever I feel "hungry" or "bored".  I have so much to do with picture frames, painting, rearranging, hanging.  I also have tons of laundry and cleaning to do, so maybe I will get off my rear and start doing that! 

Now has to be the time...

In order to change something like a behavior, you have got to hit rock bottom right?  What happens if you have been dangling from the edge of a cliff, grasping on a fraying rope, for years?  Apparently, if you want to get something done, you have to let go of the friggin rope.  Bottom, here I come!  Or so I hope. 

I am the picture of an addict.  I HAVE to have diet in hand 100% of the time.  I HAVE NEVER been able to stop my hand from placing sweet delicacies into my pie hole.  I DON'T LISTEN when my head says,

"NO!"

Don't put that in your mouth!"

"It will just end up on those already husky hips of yours!"

I swear, no matter how it tasts, I will drink that horrid diet drink.  No matter if I'm hungry or not, I will shove that donut in my mouth.  I have absolutely ZERO self control.  I don't respect myself, I don't love myself, and I don't take care of myself.  I eat crappy food, drink crappy drinks, and do crappy things.  I can down over 44 ounces of diet soda in a day, plus at least 2 more 16 ounce bottles, I snack constantly, and I rock the slothing around better than Jabba the Hutt.  Hell, I could BE Jabba! 

I have finally decided, against all of my instincts and selfishness, that I have to finally let go of that fraying rope and hit the bottom of that ravine.  Hit it so hard that my head explodes, which it totally will.  I can't even imagine the headache I am going to have.  I have been drinking soda for centuries.  I always have to have a "diet coke to go," and I carry it around with me like my 4 year old son carries around his suckie.  I am so addicted, I think I would probably save a diet coke falling off a table before I would save my husband from being shot.  I know right?!?!   

I am a mom and a wife who has no control over herself.  I have began to realize that my unhappiness stems from me having no control over anything in my life.  I struggle every day to take control of something...anything, and I fail at that every...single...day.  This time, I am grabbing the reins and taking over.  I will probably fail many times, but that is something I will have to learn to overcome.  It won't be an overnight success, but such is life. 

Since I have had these addictions for so long, I think it would be best to take it one at a time, starting with the diet.  Oh, this will be hard.  HARD I TELL YOU!  How do you get rid of something so near and dear to your heart?  I have no idea how, but I know that I have to; not just for me, but for my whole family. 

Now, you may ask, "Kristin, why are you being a dork and writing a blog about this?"  And my answer would be, accountability.  In order to do something like this, you have to have someone holding you accountable.  So, to all my friends and family, I may be a total b*#$# in the coming days, weeks, and even months, but hold me accountable for my actions.  Help me out with this and help me be strong! 

P.S.:  If you see me with a diet in the coming days, weeks, and months, don't fret, I am weaning myself down.  This girl does not do cold turkey

Are you not ready to stop?  Check this out!